inner growth adventures

I lost my joie de vivre, Has anybody seen it?

“The Redefined Life” is having a good time with me. To allow redefinition you have to let go. It seems my letting go is going deep in my heart. I don’t like this limbo. Can’t hang onto the old, but the new isn’t making itself known in any easy way. I sometimes feel like a ghost. I hold onto faith and understanding that change will come, that this will pass. Sometimes I know I will find my way to a full life that includes love,joy and peace, but sometimes I have a pity party and give in to the pain that this is all there is.Better that I honor it for a few minutes and feel it, than stuff it and let containing the pain use up my energy.

I still have a long way to go in the clearing out, inside and around me. A long way from being ready to move halfway across the country, but every step helps. Today I threw away a bunch of paints. I’d had many of them so long that they had shriveled in their bottles. It was good to let them go, but a part of me goes with every release. There is some grief that goes beyond little bottles of paint. Some old, some very fresh. Current situations and looking at life have allowed healing at a deep level. Or, I should say, I am allowing healing at a deep level. That part of me that goes with every release also allows on open space that I can fill with what I choose!

I used to tell people to have a “treasure box” they could go to when they needed a reminder of good things. I suggested keeping special thank you notes or achievement records in the box as well as quotes and prayers that felt strong and uplifting. I’ll be scanning a few things to keep in the computer, but not the box.

So in keeping with the idea of redefined, I am being careful not to put limiting labels on myself. I am revisiting the core values I have lived by and making sure I am acting in accord with them. If I say integrity is what I hold to, then every thing in my life needs to be able to flow through me in alignment with the highest integrity. Being able to jump higher than anyone I know is not true value. If I choose holding onto and living from love as a value, then I need to be able to do that even if someone else thinks it more loving to act differently than I am.(I’ll be happy to explain that further is anyone wants/needs clarity.) I’m not looking for values to live from that are those things that make me happy, although they can. I want that solid core to be able to live in and from. Values that guide the flavor of my experiences and allow me to feel in integrity with my being and expression of who I am.

Journey with me. Exploring is an adventure!

In healing, Light and Love,

Cathy

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